The Family Letter

In the spirit of counting firsts, seconds, and so on, I was presider at my second wedding today. This one involved considerably more people (40-50 versus the 8 at the first one) and a lot more pomp and circumstance. Which still isn't saying a lot, since it wasn't a highly formal affair (there's that word again). But we were out in the main church space at St. John's, and there was a formal procession, music, bride's maids, groomsmen, and so on. I think this service hit just about an hour even.

I've learned a few things: 1) I haven't a clue about wedding traditions. None. People keep having to correct me about who is supposed to enter when and in what order, etc., etc. I've attended a few, but most haven't been highly formal or traditional, and those that have were eons ago. So I think in Hawaii I'm going to require that couples hire a wedding planner, then have a few names to give them. The planner can work out all that stuff, and I'll just do the vow/blessing thing on cue. Much simpler.

2) I also am not that great at wedding sermons. It may just have been the fact that I was so mired in the other details this go around that the sermon took back seat, but I didn't feel all that great about it. I got nods from the couple, and several glances at one another, so something (I pray) made it through.

3) I need to start looking for acolytes and chalice bearers months in advance. No one seems to want to serve on a Saturday in summer. Today there was no acolyte, which wasn't a big deal… I can set up my own altar, etc. But that was one more detail in the midst of so many. And the chalice bearer today was Roman Catholic, a relative of the couple, pressed into service last night. She did an absolutely wonderful job considering. If you ever do this, I recommend you do what I did: I asked her what she normally did at her church, then told her to run with it rather than instructing her on the "Episcopal" way. She fit right in, and it was really neat having a relative serving.

4) Always, always, always insist that the readers come to the rehearsal. Theirs couldn't, and brought her own bible, completely ignoring the carefully double-spaced printed copy of the reading on the lectern. Fortunately the translation wasn't too terribly different than what I used for the sermon, but it was different than what was printed in the bulletin, which got some confused looks. Ah, well.

5) A little spontaneity is wonderful. It really adds something neat. So let it happen, don't worry about it!

All in all, though, it was a great ceremony. The groom was a bit more nervous than the bride… If anyone was going to pass out it would have been him. But as soon as we passed the vows he totally relaxed.

And I know we discourage this whenever possible, but the couple already has had a child. And he was wonderful throughout. He started babbling right after I asked if there was any objection, and the bride's father (who was holding him) said, "That doesn't count, really!"

A week from today I have wedding number three, which takes it up another notch again. This one is being held in the Methodist Church next door which, among other things, is air conditioned. We're going to have to cart some stuff over, but I think it will be worth it. No wedding planner there, either, but we did pick up Gary, a gentleman who works there and serves as a wedding planner for their weddings. So he's been guiding the couple since last week, and I've been happy to let him. They're being really good in hosting us, which is super, and having Gary around might free up a few brain cells to let me prepare a sermon.

Today we had a funeral at St. John's. This is by no means a first. Funerals, in fact, are one of those things I have long since lost track of the count on. But today's funeral was for a 46 year old fire fighter and parishioner who died of cancer. He was very well known in the community and so the congregation was probably bigger than the population of most "cities" in Montana! We filled the nave, the chapel, and had to set some chairs up way in the back. And even then the firefighters that came in uniform sat in our choir pews up front. I am guessing there were almost 300 people in that church today, and only a handful were actually parishioners.

The procession to the grave had five police cars, two sheriff's cars, the fire chief's truck, five fire engines… And that was just before the hearse! People walking by on the sidewalk would stop and take off hats or place their hand over their hearts. It was quite a thing.

The funeral "luncheon" was at a banquet center nearby, not the church. We had turkey and beef, mashed potatoes, mixed veggies, two kinds of bread, salad, pasta… And an amazing dessert table.

I shall, I think, remember this funeral for a long time to come, even if I don't remember what number it was.

I also ask your prayers for his family in this time.

I first saw this on Jane's blog and had to give it a shot:

What is your model of the church? [Dulles]
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